Thursday, January 8, 2009


My first exposure to the phrase came from the mouth of Rollice Dale, one of my junior high music teachers: diarreah of the mouth. All of us in the class laughed uproariously. Crude, yes. Picturesque, yes. No need for further explanation!

I suffered through someone with this syndrome today during a meeting at work. A vendor's rep was conducting a training session on a software package we had just purchased (an excellent one at that.. I was amazed) with six of us in the conference room.

As I had feared and expected, soon the Loquacious One began his usual routine of belaboring the obvious and asking unnecessary questions. On top of that, he had a terrible cold that made his voice very deep, and he coughed up a storm during the time he was in our training session. Why didn't he stay home if he was that sick??

The program we had purchased involved downloading data from the vendor's server over the internet into our own computers, at which time it could be converted into Excel and be instantaneously analyzed/displayed in all sorts of very useful ways, something that would take us a very long time to do if we had to do it ourselves.

The Loquacious One kept asking the instructor, "So you could sort the information on the first column, then?" Yes, you can. "But you could also sort it on the third column but then after that by the fifth column?" Yes, you can.

And he kept asking and asking about this column and that column and finally I said, "It's an Excel spreadsheet. Whatever Excel can do, that's what can be done," in hopes of making him pipe down.

Which he did. For a moment. But then he started back up again.

To give you some idea of what it is like listening to him talk too much (like the kid who always has to ask a question 10 seconds before the bell rings), it's in the same general vicinity as this:

Instructor: 2 + 2 = 4.

LO: So you are telling us that 2 plus 2 equals 4, then.

Instructor: Yes, it does.

LO: That would be the same whether the first two is first and the second two is second, or the second two is first and the first two is second, I might add.

Instructor: Yes, that is true.

LO: And this would be true no matter what. Forgive me if I am wrong, but I think this is a universal truth?

Instructor: I would say so, yes.

LO: Well at least on earth, that is.

Instructor: Yes, I guess we have to qualify that.

LO: So really it is an earthly truth, not a universal truth, ha ha ha.

Instructor: That it would be.

LO: I think we've all experienced situations in which we have had to put this formula to use, such as when we go to the store and they have a buy 3 get one free sale and so we would have to know that we had to pick four things in order to qualify.

Instructor: That's an astute observation.

LO: Actually I should correct myself. Because it really should be buy 2 get 2 free to really be similar to that equation. And if I followed the rules I would wind up with 4 things. Am I right?

Instructor: Yes, you're batting 1000.

And so on and so forth.. I forgot to add [loud coughing] interspersed within the LO's dialog, so just add it yourself. Thankfully his portion of the session was limited to only the first part after which he left the room. I noticed he touched the doorknobs so I made a mental note to myself to let someone else open the door when we were done, lol..

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