Thursday, October 16, 2008

Crazy Stuff I Did When I Was a Little Brat

A while ago I wrote about some of the crazy things I believed when I was little, like holding onto my sister's big toe would make me fall asleep, or how I was sure my mom was trying to poison me. Here's some more from the dopey side.

I always thought my dad mellowed out significantly as I grew older; when I was little I was terrified of his temper and it seemed he was constantly getting angry at me. Recently it occurred to me that perhaps that was a function of the way I behaved, haha.

One of the earliest things I can recall writing, the image still burned in my mind, happened right after my dad yelled at me for something and then went outside to work in the yard. I stood by the back door watching him through the window, glad that he was out there. I got a pencil and scrawled, "daddy is out" in tiny letters on the white paint of the door and took a certain smug pleasure in the fact that I was now safe inside. Well, that didn't last too long because when he came inside he discovered my little act of defiance which of course I couldn't deny writing, so once again I received a spanking.

I told my mom how much I didn't like it when dad got mad at me. Soon afterwards, she had a talk with me. She reassured me that dad was going to have an operation and the doctor was going to take out his temper so he wouldn't get mad any more. I imagined a temper as this hot, glowing red object and was so very relieved to hear that it was being removed.

The operation appeared successful. Dad didn't get mad at me. For a while. I think I forced my hand a little too much and all of a sudden that temper came back. I was bewildered - I asked my mom, what happened??? I thought you said the doctor took out his temper! She gave me an answer like, "they must not have gotten all of it so they'll have to try again."

Now I don't want anyone thinking I was a victim of child abuse, because I wasn't. I knew full well I deserved those spankings, just like the time I received that swat in junior high. I just must've had a penchant for misbehaving..

Like how I used to treat my grandpa. He lived with us and spoke minimal English. I was a real brat towards him - I was terribly disrespectful, never listening to anything he told me. He would motion to me to quiet down and I'd louden up. He'd indicate he wanted me to stop running around and be still, and I'd crank up the energy level. But he had the last laugh.

Once again I was acting up as usual and this time he calmly put his hand on my forehead, causing a paralysis throughout my entire body. I literally could not move and it felt like electricity was surging through my bones. I tried to scream and couldn't. Where his power came from mystified and terrified me.

He took his hand away and I was able to move but before I could go back to my bratty ways, he placed it back on my forehead and the paralysis returned. My eyes pleaded with grandpa to take his hand away but he left it there, teaching me a lesson for all the grief I'd caused him.

Then I woke up. I could have sworn that really happened. Just in case it did, from that point on I gave grandpa a wide birth and a lot more respect. I was relieved when he moved to Japan not long afterwards. He probably wondered what brought about the sudden change in my behavior.

Since I am embarrassing myself so much, I might as well continue.

My sister is ten years older than me. I took perverted delight in pestering her and, being so much younger, I got away with a lot since I was just a poor little victim. I loved pestering her boyfriends when they came over the house, too. Why? Just to be as annoying and obnoxious as I possibly could, haha.

While my sister was getting ready, her boyfriend sat in our living room. I sat there too. I made faces at him and he made faces back at me. Then I started picking my nose to gross him out and I could tell by the disgusted expression on his face that my strategy was perfect; he couldn't match that one!

Not content to rest on my laurels, I stood up and started to turn around in circles. I must have thought that would add to his annoyance. All it did was add to my dizziness as I kept spinning around, too proud and stupid to stop because he was watching me.

Finally I got so dizzy I fell down in a heap. I looked up and the boyfriend was laughing hysterically. Just like when Lucy Ricardo did something stupid to make herself the laughingstock, I got up as quickly as I could and zipped out of the room, accompanied by a soundtrack of derisive laughter ringing in my boiling ears. The next time he came over I decided to stay in my room.

You have to be careful what you tell kids because they believe it all. My sister had an argument with my parents and came storming into her room. I was in there and asked her what happened. "I'm running away from home," she declared, then looked at me. "I'm taking you with me!"


"You heard me! I'm gonna run away and you're coming too."

"But, I don't want to go," I meekly protested.

"I don't care, you're going."

I sat there mulling over that big change in my life, imagining each of us with our own napsack tied to our poles as we walked down the railroad tracks. That upset me greatly and for the next few days I was on edge, worrying about exactly when our departure would take place. Every day when my sister came home from school I expected her to tell me the moment had come, get my stuff and let's go.

After a few days with nothing happening, I asked her when we were leaving.

"Leaving? Leaving for where?"

"You said you were going to run away from home and take me with you. When are we going?"

"Oh. I changed my mind."

Another case of big relief for me. Whew, another traumatic event averted.

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