Saturday, August 9, 2008

Saturday Potpourri

I'll continue with yesterday's You Owe Me post on Monday.. meanwhile:

I started this blog just recently, 46 posts ago on June 23; this makes post #47. So far it's been a blast!

I've kind of settled into a routine: during the week I write about my twisted earlier days, an embarrassing history lesson for you readers out there as I reveal all sorts of personal stuff about myself. And I try to save the weekends for more current stuff rather than anecdotes and stories. Originally I was going to take a break on the weekends but I'm having too much fun.

First off, just what is this blog about? I explained it in my debut post, writing whatever is on my mind, and that's still substantially what it is. But it's also come around to be an expression of memories that have tagged along through the years and that I feel strongly enough about to put in writing and share with whoever happens across these pages. And since music is such a big part of my life, I try and include a YouTube video to provide a (perhaps) relevant soundtrack for whatever is going on in that post.

If you're one of the people who have visited, you'll notice there's lots of name dropping. That puts it into a lot of search results if someone is looking up a particular name and hopefully some of the people who are mentioned herein will find this place through those listings and, hopefully, take a moment to get in touch and say hi.

The times I don't use last names are either when someone has been mentioned before, or when I want to spare them embarrassment - such as the girls who have been the object of one of my crushes. I don't want them to cover their faces and go running from the room! Or contact their attorney. So for those people, I use just their first names, or, if that might be too much of a clue, just initials. But for you who are mentioned with just first names or initials and who stumble upon this place, you will know instantly that it's about you once you begin reading!

Okay, now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'm going to change the topic. I was thinking about what is at the top of my list for the most annoying songs of all time. I mean, songs that absolutely grate on my nerves every time I hear them and make me want to put a hammer to the speaker.

Let me preface this by saying I am not including any songs that aren't meant to be taken seriously in the first place, such as bubblegum music (The Archies), or Rick Dees singing Disco Duck, or stuff by Tiny Tim or Peter Frampton. Those are parodies upon themselves. What I am talking about is music that the performers actually took seriously.

Here's my top five:

5. Anything by Kenny G. Argh, that sweet, syrupy music drives me nuts and so does the tone he gets from that saxophone or whatever it is he plays. It sounds like it was an accordian in its past life, come back somehow as a misshapen woodwind.

4. Anything by Abba. Their melodies and their singing make me cringe. Now I am even more tortured because of that Mama Mia trailer that plays on the television screen during a commercial break. I find their music so, so.. corny.

3. (tie) Lion Sleeps Tonight by The Tokens. Actually I used to like this song when I was little but then I came to my senses. Listening to that "aweemawetta weemawetta" intertwined with "yeeyeeyeeyeeyeeyee" and that high pitched native wailing in the background irritates me to no end. And what the heck are they trying to say anyway? So what if the lions sleep tonight? Don't they sleep every night? Or do they mean like Luca Brazzi, who sleeps with the fishes? At least they could have given it a little variety, like change one of the verses to, "bye my darling, my poor old darling, the lion eats tonight.." The lion should have eaten up the master tape, haha.

3. (tie) Half Breed by Cher. Cher's voice bugs me. I was looking for a YouTube video of a clip from the Simpsons in which Richard Sakai does an impression of her that I thought was terrific but alas, it does not appear to be there and I don't own any of the Simpsons DVD's. I find that deep warble so annoying, like her voice was rolling along the road, got punctured by a nail but kept running flat. And that song itself gives me the heebie jeebies. Sooo dramatic.

2. Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks. Argh, hit the road, Jacks! This song is so, is so, uh, sissy and wimpy! Listening to him whine "we had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun la la la" is like nails on the blackboard eternal. Is he serious or what???

And here's the most irritating, annoying song ever made:

1. Loving You by Minnie Riperton. Oh, this song is soooooo overbaked and overdone and what's with those notes that only dogs can hear?? You know, if you listen really closely to the recording, you can hear the electric buzz when they stuck her fingers into a light socket to enable her to sing those high notes.

Notice that I didn't embed any of the related YouTube videos; I did put a link there in case you want to torture yourself.

If you ever want me to reveal any secret, just chain me up, put some headphones on me and play the foregoing songs. I'll crack before Kenny G even gets warmed up.

Do you agree or did I offend you or do you have your own personal favorites you would like to assassinate on this blog? Feel free to post a comment!

Next time around I'll post the most masterful songs ever written. The video below is not on any of my lists; it just felt right to put it at the end of this post.

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