Friday, July 25, 2008

Sorry 'Bout That! - The Hurl

I'm still in apologize mode and today's session is from the 6th grade.

Way before the Oprah's and Ellen's, there was an afternoon show called Art Linkletter's House Party. The last ten minutes were devoted to a segment called Kids Say the Darndest Things, during which Mr. Linkletter asked various questions of four different kids who had been selected as guests for the day. And as you might expect, some of the kids did indeed say the darndest, funniest things.

One day Mrs. Capps announced that our school had been selected to send eight students to the show, four 6th graders and four 2nd graders. There were two sixth grade classes, so our class sent two kids and the other sent two.

The two selected by Mrs. Capps were Keith Honda and yours truly.

Now Keith, he was a natural for a show like that. He was a witty, outgoing kid who wasn't afraid to speak his mind and I don't think anyone was surprised at the choice. Me, on the other hand, was a surprise. I never thought I was particularly witty or funny or even talkative, but Mrs. Capps must have seen something I didn't.

What excited me most about being on the show? Actually, I wasn't excited because I didn't feel I belonged there, but on the other hand, one of the gifts they used to give the kids was a slot car racing set. So if I was going to be on the show, I hoped that day they would be giving the slot car sets away.

My parents were excited. And they coached me, saying to make sure I didn't say anything that would offend anyone. Don't say anything bad about garbage collectors, for example.

The big day came and a limousine transported us to CBS Television City studios on Beverly Blvd. in Hollywood. There we received a tour, of which I don't remember a thing, and finally it was our time to be taped for the show. Was I nervous? Not a bit. I kept thinking about those slot cars.

The only thing I remember from being on the show was one question that Mr. Linkletter asked us. He asked us, What do you think the world will be like 100 years from now?

And of the four of us, I only remember two answers, Keith's and mine. Keith's answer is the only thing any of us said that day that made people laugh. When asked the question, he declared in a "like, duh" tone, "I'll be dead!"

Then it was my turn and I said what came to my mind first. "I think there will be a nuclear war and no one will be around anymore."

Well talk about letting the air out of the balloon. Mr. Linkletter paused and mulled that one over, and the whole audience was quiet. Then he moved on to the next kid. That must have been the most depressing answer anyone ever gave in the history of the show.

After the taping, we were treated to lunch at Dublins Restaurant. The only thing I can remember from the meal is that the milk tasted sour. After lunch we got back into the limousine and headed back to school.

On the way to school I began feeling sick. Like real sick. Not being one to create a stir about anything, I tried to keep it to myself. But finally, just a couple of blocks away from school, I couldn't hold it any longer and I did my Linda Blair Exorcist imitation. All over me and partly on Keith. I still remember him jumping up and yelling, "Hey! What are you doing??!!!??"

I sat there thinking, why couldn't I hold out just two more blocks?

Back at school, I waited in the office for my mom and sister to come pick me up. One of the assistants was nice enough to give me her handkerchief although that did not go very far in cleaning up the mess. Finally my mom and sister arrived and took me home. I offered the handkerchief back to the assistant and she waved and told me to keep it.

People said I must have been nervous and that's what caused my accident. I kept insisting I wasn't nervous at all, and it must have been the sour milk. Looking back at the incident, no one else seemed to think the milk was sour and no one else threw up so maybe I was so nervous that the milk tasted really acidic? Who knows.

A few weeks later, a television was wheeled into our class so we could watch the show. Man, did I look like a dork. I hated looking at myself, and it was even more embarrasing listening to my answers, especially that nuclear bomb one.

But I did wind up with a slot car set.

And so the apologies in this post go to Keith, for having to catch part of my lunch on his pants that day, and also Mrs. Capps for being such a boring representative of her class.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey, I didn't know you got a slot car set out of your interview, and I didn't realize you had a blog -- very interesting. I did know, however, that you threw up your lunch.